Family Unfamiliarity

August 9, 1992. I was made to believe that I was born into a wonderful tight-knit family. I have my funny dad, my beautiful mom, my weird little brother, my loving grandmother, my cool grandad, their loud old maid slash widowed siblings, some fluffy cats and some loyal dogs. It was a typical happy family setting. It was normal alright.

Until tragedy happens and I soon found myself saying goodbye to one family member after another. For the last twelve years of my life, I've been immunized by funeral services. And after passing through the denial and grief, I was left alone with my younger brother. 

Having no dad or mom to assist you on some of the most important events of your life is painful. Even though you have these several awards, the parental congratulations is zilch. So you go onstage and wish that these non-celebratory events would soon be over. 

It's even harder when you have problems and there's no mom or dad to talk to. You just have to deal with the pain and the burden and take hold of yourself tightly. I very much ace on that skill.

Up to now, the word orphan is still a major blow to my personality. People tend to get judgmental upon discovering that you have no parents. And it is with these people that you find it hard to explain your complicated background. 

Looking back, I was kind of amazed how far I've got without having my old folks to tell me what to do with my life.  One pastor told me, "Someone is definitely praying for you."  And that's when it dawned to me that the Lord never breaks His promises. 

John 14:18

"I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

I was always on the right track, I excel at school, I'm a degree holder and my younger brother's off to college. We live simply. 

I have always lived a boring life. I am a walking definition of a plain Jane. Maybe because I don't have a family to go out with during the summer season, no family to grace the holidays. I had no parents to teach me how to be sociable. I was naive at most things. 

There's always this certain longing inside of me to search for some relatives. Sadly, most of my grandparents relatives live abroad. And it's been a long time since we have received postcards from them. And so one day, I decided to google about my papa's first cousins. 

I discovered that they were born in LA, grew up in LA and basically are growing old in LA. They've last visited the Philippines last 2006, when my Lola Trining died. Unfortunately, I haven't met them. They did meet my dad, though, I think when he's at Mapua. 

Being the stalker I am, I started to google their contact information and even went as far as using google maps. I called my Uncle Gerald for the first time through his office number and it was kind of awkward because we definitely are strangers to each other. It was one of the coldest conversations I've ever had in my whole entire existence. 

Then I tried e-mailing my Uncle Terry. He sent me a long one and it sounded like it was addressed to a client. He told me that : "He cannot do for me what I have to do for myself." He even went like being a life coach or something, being all technical about me changing my social connections etcetera etcetera. I guess he might have mistaken my e-mailing him that I was asking for petition or some package from Macy's. Hahaha. All I wanted was these people to have constant communication with my brother and I. He didn't even bother to know our whereabouts. And we're like the only relatives that they have here in the Philippines. It was sad for family's sake. We share the same surname, we share the same roots. And it's not like the Gubatans are a dozen. 

As for my grandmother's nephews and nieces, they're somewhere down New York, London and Australia. I've been trying to get information about them, but upto now, I've been hitting dead ends.

Well, I  guess, it's just me and my brother then. And I've proven that "blood is thick than water" isn't true at all. Why? Well, I am surrounded by people who genuinely cares, people who are not even my own kin. 

All my life, I've been dragged down by certain people, they've hurt me, traumatized me, think lowly of me, criticized me.

I'm just so tired of insisting myself to people who doesn't want me in their lives. After all, I have my tough self, and a good Lord to bag. 

And yes, someday, I will definitely bloom into something wonderful and I swear that these people will wish that they had and have me in their lives. And I'm definitely gonna make it happen.

"Someday I'll be living in a big old city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean."

Keep it real,

Joanne

17 Filles

Seventeen filles or seventeen girls is a french movie which depicts the lives of seventeen teenage girls who got pregnant one after the other. This film is the first director stint of Delphine Coulin and Muriel Coulin.

The film has the "JUNO" touch and it actually happened at a local highschool in Massachusettes wherein there was this quite alarming number of teenage girls sporting some highly-noticeable bumps which is a far cry from the usual baby fat that one usually sheds off during puberty.

French was the official language of this film and was portrayed by pretty French girls. It all started when this Camille girl discovered that she was a mom-to-be during a school health check-up. It was very evident that Camille didn't knew what she has gotten into when she told her best friends about it. And the worst part is that she's convinced herself that she can raise the child alone without having to tell the guy who got her knocked off.

Camille was your typical teenage girl whose life revolves around being stubborn both at home and at school. She's really tight with her girl friends and they pretty much live a carefree life over a limited allowance. Camille's brother is a soldier and her constant companion is her mom who works at a nearby hospital. Camille often blames her mother for not giving her enough attention that's why she mostly relied in the comfort of her friends.

What's amusing is that when she and her friends decided that getting pregnant would somehow make them look like grown-up adults. They yearn to be treated seriously, and by 16 years old, they shocked their lonely coastal town by rocking some baby bumps.

Another thing to notice is that all-throughout the film, the girls didn't stop on wearing their usual get-up of shirt pants and converse which really shows that the only thing that changed is the measurement of their tummies and it also goes to show that they're not taking this whole pregnancy thing as serious. They even get to play around and get drunk and wasted while babies are on its way.

Seventeen filles is filled with scenes which are so silent you can actually go deaf. These scenes are important though, because these are the scenes which encapsulates the moments to which these girls are alone by themselves and scared to what kind of life they're leading into.

I love European indie films and seventeen filles is a simple narration of how a girl can transform into a woman because of one decision. It captures the essence of growing up with friends while tunneling through different emotions which ranges from hate, lust, betrayal, loyalty, friendship and definitely some growing up to do.
Though the ending of the film might leave you craving for more, it's worth your 2 hours.

Getting Chummy

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” 
― C.S. Lewis

C.S Lewis must have a wonderful circle of friends. Well, almost everyone has that clique on which they click. And not just click-click but really CLICK.

Growing up, I wasn't too good at making acquaintances, let alone friends. Maybe, I was anti-social back then. Or maybe, I was just too independent. When I was little, the only permanent playmate I've got was my younger brother. We weren't able to really make friends with the neighborhood kids. I remember some summer vacations wherein we have playmates coming over at our house and play "habulan." Most summers, it's just drawing, gardening and Sesame Street marathons for me.

Friendship is luxury defined for me. Yes, I did somehow develop my social skills, made lots of acquaintances but only few can really be considered as my friends. That's why I'm here today, to write about my precious ones.

It's really hard for me to open up about my whereabouts but some people had made me loosen up a bit. I was always the secretive type and I hate being showy about it. In fact, I hated talking about me, I try to avoid talking about my life as much as possible  I was a loner until these great people came along. So in no particular order, let me present to you the people who can pretty much bear my silly antics.

 Camille AngelicaRose de Leon

She's one of the most beautiful faces I've ever seen. She's funny, she's creative, she's determined and she's one hell of a kind. We became friends during a film I made with her and from then on, she became one of my most trusted confidantes. I can't keep secrets from her (she's got these big prodding eyes) and we share the same kind of passion: being life-driven. I call her my mom because she simply is. She's like this mother hen, always been protective about me, willing to hide me in her wings whenever she senses something. She made my costume in my Photography class and supported me all through out my remaining college years. She's always willing to go out in the rain just to meet and hug me. Just one call, and bam! She's there. She's one of my best friends. I know that she's busy with her stint on a crime-related television show but she's always willing to drop anything just to see me.

"Mommy Mac, thank you for really getting me. Thank you for sticking and fighting with me in every situation that I'm in. Thank you for believing in me."


 Michelle Bait-it

This girl is a tri-athlete in piko, patintero and sungka. She handles the ball well too. She's soo kind, there's nothing wrong with her! She picks the things that I accidentally tripped over whenever we go shopping. Hehehe. She's so transparent and true about herself. You can easily make friends with this girl for she is so open, you can literally see her soul. She is one great drinking buddy too. Though we never see each other often, I can say that she's one great friend to keep.

"I know you're busy selling condominium units and all, but I definitely want to see you soon. Love you, Mitch."


 Cheri Galvez

My ultimate crime partner. My defender. My ego-booster. My critique. This girl is so fat, you can actually replace bacon with her. Hehe. Just kidding. This tough midget has been my friend since 3rd year college and we pretty much had the same chain of events that either brought us dying or flying, crying and laughing. I always go home with her and we always talk about pretty much anything under the sun. The best thing I really like about this girl is that she's not afraid to knock you back into your senses whenever you seem to need some knocking. She might have called me a "butt-face" back in college but she's one lovable creature. You just have to really understand her quirks and cravings before she pulls your hair and gives you a massive wedgie. I'm really proud of my girl here. She's tough, she's a fighter.

"Evil girl, I'll see and join you soon, ok? I miss you terribly."


Phoebe dela Paz-Corpuz

This korean-looking lesbo is so weird, I can't believe I'm friends with her. HAHAHA! Just kidding. But seriously, that same level of weirdness that we share together is what actually keeps us intact. We often spend our free time together watching movies and eating popcorn and smashing some zombies. I love her being indie and her collection of scarves. I love her tumblr-ish room and I just loving having fun with her. She's a great companion and a great friend. And oh, she's one of my mentors at organizing my things. The reason why I became struck down with an obsessive-compulsiveness syndrome is because of her. Hehe.

"Powbs, I know you're married now and I know that it's a dream come true for you. I'm happy for you and I hope we get to play L4D again."


Rachelle Legler

She's been all-around protective with me. And I really dig her calming presence. I don't know, with her around, I can easily breathe and she's one great listener and adviser. People would often misinterpret her as annoying but she's a very loyal friend. She still texts me upto this day and even bothered to search for my number.

"I'm about to get teary-eyed right now, but I just want you to know that I'm doing well and I miss you, just give me time and I'll see you soon."



Wilan Postolero

Whenever I have problems, this guy has been my go-to person since 2nd year college. He guided me through thick and thin and I've never been so grateful. He's not perfect, in fact he's got his share of several boo-boos too, but I think that's what makes him quite relatable. With this guy, anything is possible and I started to believe that in this life, it's always about fighting for what you believe in and that solutions are endless. I know this guy, he's loyal to his friends and is very willing to die for them. No joking here. This guy, together with my Mommy Mac has given so much impact in my life. I think 1/8 of my being now is because of them.

"Dad, you were the first one to teach me that possibilities are endless, it's time that you believe in it again. Soon all your hard work will pay off. I wish you Mommy Mac all the best that this life can offer. Thanks so much for every single thing."


Erik Miras

He was the first one to talk to me back in my first year as a college student. He was always a Straight-A student and that's one thing we always agree on. He's always there for me especially during some wee hours in the morning wherein I just can't sleep and needs someone to talk about anything sane. Or even accompany me anywhere even if it is already 3am. Hehe. He's a great friend and although we might have somewhat had gaps before, he was still the same person that I know. One word: Warm. He's one good-looking guy but he's never boast about it which is great, otherwise I wouldn't want to go out with an airhead. Hehe. He's always gala like me and that's fun.

"Erik, I know that you're busy hunting down goons with Mike Enriquez, and I know it's your dream job. You deserve it. Good luck with life and I really hope to make gala with you again." :)


Kevin Santos

Another great pal. He's been a cool companion and has made me discover new things (ice cream cookies, anyone?) He's never grew tired of sharing me the Gospel even though I was so stubborn back then. Movies and eating with this person is quite an event. And he's one of my go-to person because he always seem to know what to say (must be because of the pastor aura). He might be misunderstood by some people but he is actually a nice guy.

"Kev, I miss hanging out with you and Erik. Thank you so much for the sound advices and thank you so much for always lending me a hand. See you soon!"

 Brian Francia

Brian Francia. How can I ever forget this walking mouth? Hahaha. We're both born in August which I think the reason why we get along so well. This guy, wobbly he might be most of the time, is actually a great listener. He's one of the few people I know who can really listen. Although I make fun of him most of the time, he still considers me as his younger sister. Hehe.

"Bri, keep up the faith. Thanks so much for the friendship!"

Victor Young

My fluffy fat assed friend. Hehe. He's a very warm person and I can really hang out with him and share some of the hugest laughs of my life. He's very creative and a bit shy around people he's meeting the first time. The great thing with Victor is that he never feels you out. He's always there willing to accept you again and again. And that little thing really counts.

"FAT ASS! I miss you so much! I just wished I had listen to your before during the time you called me sneaky sneaky. I hope to laugh with you soon!"


Ralph Senga

He is one great comforter. And he doesn't mind if I wake him from his nap just to talk to him about some of my damn dramas. He's that guy who can accompany you shopping and not get bored at all. He's a very caring friend. He makes you stand at your feet when you're disheveled  at the cold hard ground. I'm glad I became friends with this person.

"Ralphy! Thank you for the patience and the best advices one could ever have."


I wasn't the showy type of friend. In fact, I admit I suck at being a friend. But I can't help but be very thankful that I have these people behind my back. They're always there even though I seem to push them away. They're God's gift to me. I've always thought that I can survive without anyone but with them around, that thought is as far as Neverland.

These are the people who have always believe in me. These are the people who stood behind and beside me. They are my guiding light. They make me feel safe. They're the only ones who doesn't get tired of texting me even though I don't reply. They always want the best for me. They were the only ones who calls me pretty when I least look my best. I just hoped I had listened to them before I made that stupid mistake in my life. I may not get in touch with them every single day, but I know they're always waiting for me to stand up again. They always were, always has been.

I miss them so much and I believe soon enough, I will get those warm hugs again and laugh till I fart.

“It's the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter.” 
― Marlene Dietrich

Keep it real,

Joanne

Let the bubbles begin!

Doing the laundry has been one of my favorite chores to do. It doesn't feel like a chore to me though for I really enjoy the whole process. From sorting out the whites from the colored ones, to buying the detergents or the fabric conditioners, I always see to it that I make it a bit of an adventure.

I learned laundry through my father when I was in grade six. He was the first one to ever tell me the basics. At home, we basically use the washing machine which makes laundry easy as abc. Our green washing machine has been with my family since the day I was first introduce to the world. I'm not joking! It's been around since dinosaurs. Hehe. I was born on a rainy August 1992, which makes me 20 years old and it's the same with that ancient washing machine. But I'm proud to announce that the said washing machine is still in perfect condition and is still my laundry buddy.

I've skipped doing my laundry during my high school days because it's one thing that keeps my lola busy back then. She wants to do all the washing for it keeps her mind busy. I returned to my washing ritual during my tertiary education for I'm too hands-on with my uniforms. And so up to this day, I keep the bubbles sprouting.

If you guys has been with this same old routine also, I guess you can already pinpoint which laundry product you really dig. And if not, is still checking the laundry aisles in your local grocery store. That's why I'm here, to give you at least my two-cent worth of what I think are the best laundry products out there. So here goes...


CHAMPION INFINITY

Ariel Bleach was my choice in the past, but it stings my hands. And so, I began to search for a gentler detergent without compromising the cleaning ability.

I'm no fan of Susan Roces and definitely not a fan of Fernando Poe, but this product that Ms. Roces is currently endorsing is really a double thumbs-up for me. It really takes out those stubborn dirt after just minutes of having them soaked into this product. Trust me, I too was amazed.

You see, I've got this white pedal shorts. They're white-white. Not dirty white. I've never used them since 2010 and I just kind of stuffed them in my cabinet for three years and when I encountered them, they have these yellowish stains which, by the looks of it is a capital S for stubborn stain.

I had bad experiences with Chlorox so it's out of my list. Crossing my fingers, I used then, this Champion Infinity and tossed my white pedal shorts together with my other white garments. When I took it out for the dryer, voila! The yellow stains? GONE.

It's not just with my white pedal shorts, I've got several backpacks since high school that needs washing after being stored for God knows for how long. They've got these stains and upon using Champion Infinity, it just went na-da.

I've got this cloths from my costumes back in college and I, embarrassingly,  never had the chance to wash them after being used and soiled. Yes, I know I was too lazy and busy back then. And yes, soiled they were, years before Champion Infinity and I just tossed them into the washing machine the other day coupled with I think half a kilo of Champion Infinity. The results? Impressively new-looking and fresh-smelling cloths.

And when Ryan Agoncillo told on national TV that this product is 100% pure and has no chalk residues, I guarantee you, he's been by far one of the most credible hosts and is saying nothing but the truth. I wonder if he uses this products to wash the lampins of his son Lucio.


DOWNY INNOCENCE HELLO-KITTY

Downy Innocence, Limited Hello Kitty Edition with the free keychain

Hello kitty is one of my childhood heroes. My lola would often give me Hello Kitty watches when I was young and I've been hooked. But then, I eventually grew tired of Hello Kitty upon realizing that she's so fictional with her having no mouth at all. I thought, how can she even enjoy her tea parties with Kerokeropi and Melody and Pichaco if she can't eat, let alone drink?

I began to be entertained again by Hello Kitty upon seeing the limited edition of Downy. Who doesn't use Downy anyway especially during the onset of the rainy season? Initially, after seeing this product, I wasn't a bit curious until one of my college classmate ( a hello kitty fan herself ) began to show us the studded Hello Kitty key chain which she got as a freebie. She's claiming that this limited edition Downy really smells great. Think cotton candies.

It wasn't until I went to my province when my Auntie Lyn washed my scarf with this fabric conditioner that I became hooked. The scent lasted for about a week. It's literally a tagline from a bottle: "Smell like a baby all day long."

I don't normally use fabcon during ordinary days, I use them during the rainy season to prevent the hated "amoy-kulob" smell.  But with Downy Innocence, my fabcon rainy season drama went for all seasons. It was the scent that captured me. It reminds me of soft pink towels, of innocent infants, of French macaroons, and yeah, definitely the demure of Hello Kitty.

I'm not sure if Downy is sold around Asia, but it should be. Given the innovations that the product underwent ( imagine French fragrance), it's a household must-have. It's everyone's go-to savior during those rainy days.



P.S: AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, AVOID THESE PRODUCTS

SURF  POWDER

It's chalk. Period. When using this product, you can actually see the chalk residue floating in the water. It's not worth it. Yes, it smells good but I highly doubt its cleaning ability. I hate the scent of the pink powder.

ZONROX

I hate it when you use it on white clothes for it makes the fabric look kind of yellowish afterwards. It makes clothes look like you've have them since 1955. Yes, I've had a couple of bad experiences using this product and unfortunately, it's with my divine uniforms. And I hate the BLUE ZONROX. Once, I have this pink purple shirt from Abercrombie and I was looking for something in the laundry products cabinet when all of a sudden, this blue-capped product jumped into my favorite shirt. The ending? My shirt was like infected with some kind of fungal disease.

BLUE POWDER

According to some mothers, this powder makes clothes look newer and whiter. But if you're no expert using this one like me, then stay away from this product as to avoid making your closet turn bluer than River Danube.

How does this thing works???

Being a naturally-born perfectionist, I want my clothes to be as perfectly clean as possible. I want them to be spotless white all the time, that's why I do my own laundry so that whatever washing mishap happens, I don't have to blame anyone but my own dear self. Hehe. So yeah, there goes my list and if you have the time, please do share with me your laundry time stories.

Keep it real,
Joanne

Happy 12th of June, everyone!

If the Americans have their fourth of July, Filipinos too, have their own reasons and a date to celebrate today.

Indeed, the Philippines has come a looong way after being held captive under several foreign hands. Our archipelago looks really enticing to the foreigners even 400 years ago. Our land, located at the center of the Pacific, wouldn't be declared as the Pearl of the Orient for nothing. We absolutely stood out among the rest of our Asian counterparts.

Our roots can be traced back from our Malay ancestors. That explains the warm tone of our complexion. Our first rulers are the so-called datus, sultans, the Maharlikas. And Lapu-lapu is just one of our great forefathers.

The beauty of our land first caught the eye of King Philip II of Spain and he sent the famous antagonist of our History, a Portuguese, named Ferdinand Magellan to explore the land and perhaps make the Philippines a colony of Spain. But, Ferdinand Magellan was ill-fated in the end. He was doomed by Lapu-lapu. And no, they did not argue because of some stupid diaper like that of the commercial on tv. Maybe, Lapu-lapu saw the boiling scheme of the Spaniards. So the Spaniards were sent off to their native coasts. Hey, we did beat the Europeans back then.

For 300 years, under the Spanish rule, we were indios. We were treated as dumb people, were made to follow unnecessary and ridiculous customs like that of following the prayles regarding the financial donations in church. We were told that if we don't give, then our souls will be fucked up in hell. And yes, we believed that, only to find out that the said donations were used to buy the weekly groceries of the prayles.

It wasn't so bad after all, if it wasn't for the Spain, we wouldn't have Intramuros today and I doubt if University of Santo Tomas will be able to celebrate their 400th year. Several structures, like that of the old Jones Bridge wouldn't emerge if it wasn't with such strong influence.

University of Santo Tomas, Manila

Old Jones Bridge, Manila

Three hundred years it was, and then it was time for a change. Obama wasn't born yet at the time being and I doubt if he's going to fight for us. That's why we have Rizal. An illustrado. A jack of all trades. He was a prolific writer and with his quill, he narrated to the world the oppression of the common Juan through his two novels,  the Noli me Tangere and the El Filibusterismo. It was a very silent attack to the oppressors but nevertheless, bold enough to make a statement. Unfortunately, Rizal didn't make it to the interviews for his success of provoking the prayles, he was shot at the Bagumbayan shortly afterwards.

Then came Bonifacio. He's that guy over at Monumento. He's got the blood of Lapu-lapu, I think, bringing the Katipuneros into battle with their bolos and itak over the guns of the Spaniards. We have great heroes and their stories were retold to every generation.

The Americans and the Japanese have also their fair share of our history. Under the American regime, we've got Westernized. The educational system was reformed, culture was liberated. And yes, Jones Bridge was reformatted, American style. We've got this tie with the Americans ever since. They even opposed the date of our Independence day. They want fireworks looming at the Manila skies on fourth of July. Children those days sang the Star-Spangled Banner. Trust me, my lola knows. 

The Japanese came in and another bloody chapter of Philippine history unfolded. The decade of comfort women, of terror and of the lost Yamashita treasure. But we have the Americans behind our backs and Nagasaki and Hiroshima were lost in the maps. So the Japanese didn't lodge in our coasts for too long. 

That answers the complexities of Filipinos today. Be it physically, culturally or spiritually. We now have the meztizas, the chinitas, the half-breeds, but we still have the same rooting. 

My beloved Philippines has endured centuries of being dragged into pains and gains, though it didn't emerged unscathed, it was still the Pearl of the Orient Seas. Bittersweet our history was, here we are, savoring the triumph and freedom that our heroes once fought for. And it will still dazzle the foreigners by its magic and halina.

Mabuhay ang Pilipinas, tunay kang malaya.